Quietly
by LaraWinner
Summary: DxH, 1x2. Hilde contemplates rash actions and the emotions they bring forth. Duo comes to a decision. Hilde takes the first step forward. Duo realizes what he needs. Hilde prepares to leave. *Warning: mild sexual undertones*
1. Quietly

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Quietly

By: Lara Winner

I can feel him shifting in the bed. Slowly he untangles his limbs from mine, his bare flesh is warm from our combined body heat. I want to open my eyes, to look into his deep amethyst orbs and tell him that I love him. I'm aching to tell him that I wanted last night to happen for so long and my heart is nearly screaming at me to beg him not to leave. But I continue to pretend that I'm asleep because I don't want to see the regret or disgust that I know has to be etched upon his features. That would kill me.

Before I can stop my thoughts the events of the previous night fill my mind. I never expected Duo Maxwell would attend Relena Dorlain's engagement party to a fellow diplomat. I understand why Heero Yuy wouldn't dare show his face but for Duo to come in his lover's stead, that surprised me. I remember seeing him standing off to the side of the dance floor, sipping his flute of champagne with a completely bored expression on his handsome face. I couldn't blame him. This wasn't exactly my cup of tea either but Relena has remained a dear friend and I could not turn down such an invitation. 

Perhaps it was the relaxing romantic atmosphere or maybe it was the third glass of champagne that I was in the process of consuming, I'm not sure, but something inside gave me the courage to speak to the man that I haven't seen in over three years. 

I told him hello softly. He turned to me and smiled politely but with complete confusion and my heart sank. He didn't remember me. I was about to go into a lame introduction, ready to kick myself for even bothering, blushing for the sheer embarrassment, when his eyes suddenly widened and a huge smile curved his lips. 

"Hilde?" 

I think it was relief I felt. At least he did remember me, though I have changed. My hair is much longer, my figure more pronounced and my spiked heals make me a little taller. So I smiled back and put on my most charming façade hoping he couldn't tell just how nervous I was. Even though so much time had passed just being that close to him sent everything rushing back. All the feelings I used to have for him came creeping into my consciousness, mocking me. As he talked about his life, how settled he was now and happy, I knew why I didn't keep in touch. Because I loved him then and he had left me to make a life with the person he loved, Heero Yuy.

Maybe if I had been honest and told him the truth he would have made a different decision. Maybe he would have taken a chance with me and things would be different now, but I never told him. I kept the secret quietly to myself and he never knew. I have only myself to blame for that. So since I was given a second chance with him, so to say, I decided that this time I was not going to let him go completely. As we talked I promised myself that this time I would try and rekindle the friendship we once had. That was all I had in mind. But what followed even took me by surprise.

It was after midnight by the time we left Relean's party. I think I had five glasses of champagne by that point and Duo was few ahead of me. I don't know what possessed me to offer for him to come back the house when the taxi driver could have driven him to his hotel instead. But I did offer and he accepted. I think part of him was curious to see what I had done to the place that we had once shared. But I've changed very little and he commented that it was like stepping back in time.

It didn't take him long to remember where the liquor cabinet was and when he pulled out the half empty bottle of vodka I was already giddy and though that at this point it couldn't hurt. But when the hard stuff started going down the truth started coming out. The alcohol gave us loose tongues and Duo began telling me that he wasn't happy at home. He began confiding in me, just like he used to, telling me that Heero was an emotional mess and he wasn't sure he could deal with Heero's manic depressant side much longer.

I could tell that he was upset about it, it was showing in his voice and his smile had long since disappeared. I tried to comfort him but my sobriety was gone and my reason was slightly off and somehow I ended up admitting the crush I had on him years ago. I was drunk but even that couldn't get me to admit words of love. Still he took my words to heart and they made him smile. That was the reaction I was going for and I was prepared to drop the subject right there but Duo kept looking at me with this odd expression on his face. Then before I knew it he leaned over and kissed me. 

I should have stopped him. I should have pulled away. I should have told him he was lonely, drunk and depressed. I should have reminded him about his boyfriend and told him that he would regret this come morning. But I was selfish and I wanted it so I said nothing. Instead I kissed him back. I'm not sure how we made it to the bedroom but I will never forget his heated caresses or the devastating feel of his lips on mine. Even the alcohol couldn't erase that.

But that was last night and this is now. I hear him sigh softly as he manages to swing his legs over the side of the bed. My heart is beating madly and my throat burns with the urge to cry. If I open my eyes I will not have the alcohol as an excuse for what will happen. But if I don't say something then I will never forgive myself. 

"Damn it!" He mutters regretfully.

That seals my fate. My breath catches and I lay completely still, praying that he leaves before I burst into tears. The mattress moves slightly as he rises to his feet. I listen intently as he pulls on his pants and his white button down shirt. Then the mattress dips once again as he sits to put on his shoes. To my surprise, instead of getting up and leaving, he lays back down next to me and I can tell he's facing me, looking at me as he assumes that I dream away in deep slumber.

Gently his fingertips brush my hair, smoothing the dark tendrils away from my forehead and out of my eyes. He sighs again and this time I can practically feel his guilt and regret. "Why did you wait till now to tell me, babe? You know I can't do anything about it," he shifts a little closer, "I never thought we'd end up this way here and now. I just hope to God you don't hate me for it. I don't know what's going on or what's gonna happen and it's probably best if I walk away now ne?"

I feel his warm breath as he leans closer and then his lips are on mine, kissing me ever so lightly. My chest is being crushed with pain and I feel the tears trying to squeeze their way free. I love him so much…

"We can't go back," he whispers, "but maybe one day… there's always maybe."

And then I feel him move away. I hear his footsteps fade down the hall and after a few moments I hear the front door shut. I sit up, touching my lips with trembling fingers, still feeling his goodbye kiss. There is no stopping the tears as they roll down my pale cheeks. But I know my tears are bittersweet. Even if I never see him again I still have this night to remember. And as he said himself, there is always maybe. I will make it enough, just to know that deep down in his heart he felt and still shares the feelings that I will always have for him. 

I won't be easy and it will hurt but I will carry on and if we are meant to have a second chance I will take it as it comes. And if not… then the hope will always remain in my heart, waiting quietly.

A.N.- Hey guys, it's me again. You can stop groaning now. This was intended as a one shot but if enough people demand it, I can always make a sequel, from Duo or Hilde's point of view, you guys choose. Well, just a little something to tug the heart-strings, that's all. Love you guys!!! *_*


	2. Soul-searching

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of it's characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Quietly: soul-searching

By: Lara Winner

It's been a full month since Relena's wedding. It was publisized all over Earth and the colonies. Everyone is still talking about it. Pictures of the happy couple seem to float around everywhere. They say she's happy. They say she's never been more in love with her husband… 

All the hype is getting to him badly. He tries to hide it but I know better. Heero seems to think I'm more oblivious than I tend to let on, but after living with him and loving him and fucking him for almost four years now, he should give me a little more credit. I know he's hurt. After all, he did love her and I understand that, even if he never said the words to me or to her, or even to himself. 

Do I blame him for having yet another excuse to shut me out? No. He'll never completely be over her. But do I wish I had done things differently? Yes. Knowing what I know now, about us and how we'd turn out, I wouldn't do this again. This isn't love and it's killing me. I can't live being his fall-back crutch anymore. 

I say I love him and he replies with a nod or a kiss. This is how its had always been. Trust me, I don't need declarations of love or gifts any of that sentimental crap, but every now and then it would be nice to hear him say it. Just to let me know that he really means it. But not once has he ever said those words to me and his kisses aren't full of passion, just desperation.

I knew what I was getting into with him. I guess part of me wanted to be his savior. We had a bond, something that you can only have after you've seen hell standing side by side. We've fought countless battles together and no one else ever understood that part of us. I thought that was love. I thought that every time he told me he needed me and that every time he pleaded with me to stay with him, that what he was really saying was I love you. But he wasn't. He's just needs to have someone and I was the one who thought I could make him better. See, I needed him to need me because I was convinced no one else did. 

Okay, so I know it wasn't very healthy grounds to start a relationship. But when all this started I didn't see things this way. I wanted to believe that this was right. I cared about him so much, and don't get me wrong I still do, and always will, but sometimes surviving on emotion alone just isn't enough. Call me selfish but I can't keep giving like this and not get anything back. 

We are a constant up and down. Some days everything goes smoothly and when we touch I can almost believe that this is enough, that I don't want this to end and that I could never walk away. But those days a few and far between. Getting through to Heero had always been an uphill struggle from day one, but the road is supposed to even out eventually right? Well with us it just keeps getting steeper and steeper. 

Sometimes I feel like I don't even exist to him. It's like he sees me as an object, something that he can use when he needs to and then put me away and I'll be right there waiting to get used again. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. There are some days when he doesn't talk to me the entire day. No matter how much I try and draw him into conversation he remains detached. And then there are the times when I touch him and he pulls away, completely avoiding any contact with me. But the worst is when he does his disappearing act. He'll leave the apartment and I won't see or hear from him for days. He's never been gone longer than a week but still, why does he have to leave at all?

It hurts. I can't remember how many times I've cried, wondering if it's me or if it's something I did or said. And with all the fucked up shit I've been through in my life, it takes a lot to make me cry. I will never tell him that he hurt me that much, mainly because I don't think he would care. 

I'm watching him right now. He sitting at the desk in the far corner of the living room, frowning over a five thousand word essay that's not due for another two weeks. To him I'm not even here. College is the most important thing in his life. Even more important than me. 

I think I'm saying all of this mostly to justify what I'm about to do. I don't want to lave him this way. I'd give anything not to have to look in his eyes when I do this, but it has to be done. I can't settle anymore, not when I've had a taste of what real passion is.

It's been eight months since that night I spent with Hilde. I've thought about her very damn day since. I'll be the first to admit that what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have done that to Heero because I'm sure it would hurt him if he ever found out. But it wasn't fair to her either. I knew what I was doing, I wasn't that drunk. And I knew she wasn't in the right frame of mind to tell me no. But at that moment I didn't want to be logical or cautious. The feelings I once had for her were back, full swing, and it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

That's why I don't blame Heero for loving Relena. There will always be a part of me that loves Hilde. How could I not love her. She was there giving my life a bit normalacy when everything around me was falling apart. She helped me see life beyond the war. If it weren't for her I would never have let go of Shinigami.

It is possible to love two entirely different people for completely different reasons. But Hilde never needed me. She was always so strong and independent. I never thought she felt the same way. So I never gave my feelings serious thought. Sure I knew they were there and it wasn't easy for me to leave L2 to move in with Heero, knowing Hilde I would drift apart. And I was right. She went on with her life and didn't look back. But it only served to show me that Heero needed me, that he must love me where Hilde didn't. 

But I'm not sure I know what love is anymore. What I felt with Hilde was incredible but it was just sex. I mean hell, Heero and I had some great nights but look where that led us. I'm not leaving Heero for Hilde. I'll probably never get the guts to show my face on L2 again, not after the way I left her. I'm leaving now because I'm not sure what I want anymore. That and because I know this isn't what I need.

I swallow hard knowing that it's now or never. If I don't do this right now I won't have the balls to later. And I can't live the rest of my life with someone who expects me to be there. I need someone who wants me to be there. I know what I have to do. This is the hard part.

"Heero?"

"Hn?" he grunts.

I nervously fidget with the end of my braid. "We need to talk."

"I'm busy Duo." He snaps. "It will have to wait till later."

"No Heero, we're discussing this now because I won't be here later."

He becomes completely still. After a long moment of silence he looks up at me but his expression is unreadable. He knows what I'm about to say and he knows why too. Dragging in a deep breath, I push the hurt away and steel my spine. I have to do this…

"I'm leaving Heero." I say quietly.

A.N.- Okay, so the masses demand a sequel. Well then you shall get what you want. I'm not sure who will have the next pov but I've already got the general idea so it won't take long (knocks on wood). Thanks for reading you guys and remember, I luv ya!!!!*_*


	3. Wishing

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Quietly: wishing

By: Lara Winner

Time heals all wounds…

I'd like to believe the old adage but its wrong. Whoever said that didn't have to live with a vice-like grip squeezing their heart. I bet they didn't feel lonely in a crowd of people or were so weary of love that they've shut themselves off from it completely.

I bet they've never had their heart carelessly broken.

I feel a bitter smile cross my lips as I shift onto my side in my big lonely bed. I have no right to feel this way but I can't help it. It seems like every time I think I'm okay, that I'm back on my feet and moving forward again, something reminds me of him and I'm back to square one, feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I swear it didn't hurt this bad the first time Duo walked out of my life. 

It's been almost a year now and I'm still hung up over him. I'm pathetic. I can't even get a decent nights sleep. Either I lay awake thinking about him or I wake up in the middle of the night and my pillow is soaked with tears. This place is filled with memories and I can't forget them no matter how hard I try. But I want to. I want to move on and enjoy my life. I don't want to sit around here, hoping and craving for something that I'll never have.

I can't even go on a date without feeling guilty for God's sake. I meet a lot of guys now that I run the junkyard by myself. And a few of them have taken an interest in me and asked me out. I can count on both hands the number of dates I've been on in the last two years. And to think that I've never even given one of them a good-night kiss. 

It's not that I didn't try. It's not that I wasn't attracted to them. Just every time they moved close enough Duo's face would pop in my head and there went the mood. I guess I really don't regret it. Even if I would have kissed them, invited them in for coffee and let them convince me that sex on the first date was perfectly acceptable, it still wouldn't have been my eager date that I was thinking about. I would have closed my eyes and pictured Duo's face, his perfect body and that wicked little smile that always gave me the chills…

But it's even worse now. I know what his hands feel like, running over my skin and teasing me into crying out his name. I know what his lips taste like as they kiss me breathless. And I'm dying to feel that way again. I'd give anything to have one more night with him. And this time I wouldn't bite my tongue and hide my true feelings. If I had the chance I would tell him that I love him and I would ask him not to leave. I wouldn't force him to stay, or beg him, but I would at least let him know that I need him.

But I won't ever have that chance again. God it kills me to admit it but I never was good at pretending. I can sit here and whish that he'll come knocking on the door ready to sweep me in his arms and make all the pain go away. But that is a daydream. This is reality. He left me for the second time without even thinking twice about it. I know he has Heero to consider and I know that what happened was really bad timing, but if he loved me at all it would have affected him. But it didn't. He walked out my life calmly, almost like he was doing me a favor. And his parting words were the cruelest thing of all and it's time I take them for face value. 

Duo never mentioned love. However, he did say that it was easier to walk away than to stay and figure out what was going on and why we did what we did. Obviously, I wasn't worth the effort it would take. And that hurts. He may as well have slapped me in the face as hard as he could. But I was the one with emotions involved. He just needed a distraction.

I've thought about this so much. I've looked at this form every possible angle and done everything I can to forget him and no matter what I do his memory can still brings tears to my eyes. And the pain that won't go away is becoming a part of me. It's always there, in the back of my mind, surging to the surface when I see happy couples on the street or I come across old pictures of us. Just the other day I came across an invoice in one of the customer files written in Duo's messy scrawl. I wasn't expecting it and just seeing that made me burst into tears right in the middle of the office. 

I'm on the verge of breaking. I don't know how much more of this I can take. At times I think that maybe I should sell this place, pack up all my stuff and start over somewhere on Earth. Maybe return to Austria, my birth place, and look up whatever family I have left there, if any of them are still alive. Or if I can't face my past then I'll move on to someplace new. Maybe do some traveling instead of settling down. I'd love to visit Europe's great castles or run in Irelands emerald fields, or if I really wanted to loose myself I'd head to Greece's ancient ruins.

But those are dreams. I don't have the heart to leave this place because it's the closest I can be to what I like to think we had. Like I said before, I am hopelessly pathetic. 

How do I get my life back? How do I put him behind me forever? I want to forget him. I need to forget him. And not for the first time I curse myself and wish to God I'd never laid on eyes on him. Why did he have to reach out to me? I was happy with Oz, believing the line of bullshit they fed me. And what was the worst that would have happened? I would have encountered a gundam and ended with my name on some monument dedicated to the fallen soldiers of the Eve Wars. I'd rather be dead than to live with this pain that is slowly killing me. 

My mind is wandering on dangerous ground. I can't think like this anymore. Maybe leaving is the only way for me to let this go. If I stay here in his house, working in what was once his junkyard, I will never be rid of him. There will always be that thought of him, that feeling of suffocation because the memories yesterday are drowning me, keeping me from seeing tomorrow. I don't want this anymore.

Duo told me when he left with Heero that this place was mine to what I wanted with. It won't be that hard to sell the yard. Nathan, one of my suppliers, has been hounding me for this place for years. I'll sign over all the deeds and leave on the first shuttle out of here. I've got a nice little stash saved in the bank and that will get me by for a while and when that's gone… I've lived with nothing before and I can do it again, easily. 

I feel that familiar sense of panic wanting to overwhelm me. I'm afraid of what I'm actually deciding. This means that I will giving him up and all of the hopes and dreams that I tried in vain to hold onto will become yet another series memories. I will be leaving all the friends that I've made here, everybody that has become a part of my life now. Just like the war, once again Hilde Schbeiker will die and emerge as someone else. The question is am I strong enough to rise up to challenge of wiping the slate clean?

At this point, I can't afford to say no.

Restlessly, I kick the covers off my body as the pre-dawn light starts peeking its way through my window. It's a new day that will begin a new chapter of my life. I can't wait around anymore. I refuse to put my life on hold for a dream.

As I head to the kitchen, my mind is already making plans, playing out all the details of what this will entail. I blink my eyes at the sudden wetness that makes my vision slightly blurry. This will be the last time I cry because of him. I'll make it my way of finally saying goodbye, something I should have done long ago. I'm putting this away so that I can look forward to tomorrow and hold on to a new dream. One of living my life my way, free of all attachments to anyone or anything. A dream of living my life quietly.

A.N- Yes, another chapter. When is it going to stop, you cry? Um.. there is two more chapters to come I think. Alright, you can sigh in relief. *hugs* Thanks for reading, luv you guys!!!!


	4. Home-coming

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Quietly: Home-coming

By: Lara Winner

I'm nervous. This is bad because I never get nervous. I may procrastinate or I may have an aversion to things I have to do and I might have to force myself to get things done sometimes but I've never gotten nervous. My heart is racing. My stomach is twisting in a vicious knot. I stuffed my hands in my pocket to keep them from shaking and I keep walking aimlessly because I scared to reach my destination.

Yes, the God of Death has just admitted he's scared.

I have every reason to be. I'm about to do something that, if I was smart, I would have done years ago. The only problem is I think I've fucked up beyond repair. Anybody with a smidgen of common sense knows that when you spend the night making love to someone you don't leave the person the next morning without a good bye. Not unless it's a one night stand and in that case, you don't even go to sleep, you just screw 'em and leave.

I've had my share of one night stands, long before I moved in with Hilde and long before Heero and our disaster of a relationship. I've been guilty of getting my kicks and walking away because it didn't mean anything. But the other person involved never cared either. It was no big deal. But I messed up with Hilde, really really bad. 

At the moment I thought it was best if I just left. I was afraid that if I stayed I'd only end up screwing with her emotions even more. I know she still cared about me on some level and I didn't want to hurt her. I mean at the time I still had to come to terms about Heero and I was in no position to make her any promises. But the main reason I left was that I didn't want to know if she regretted what happened. The frame of mind I was in then, I don't think I could've handled that.

So I left and ran like a friggin' coward and basically made sure that if she didn't regret it that night then she definitely regretted it when she woke up to an empty bed. I shot any chance I had with her straight to hell. If she never speaks to me again I completely deserve it.

In a nutshell, I fucked up and now I'm about to pay for it. I've been wandering the downtown district of L2 all day, killing time and stalling instead of just facing Hilde. But I'm not leaving L2 till I talk to her. Or at least attempt to. I may get the door slammed in my face. I wouldn't blame her.

But I'm hoping, betting on luck that I don't have, that she understands why I left and will give me the chance to explain. If there is a God maybe she'll let me make it up to her. It took me almost three months to realize that I'll never be able to move on till I face what I feel for her. I still love her and I can't ignore the part of me that wants to be with her. Today is the deciding factor. Either something starts or it ends for good. I've already bought a shuttle ticket because I know where I'll end up.

Alone as always…

I don't like being alone, I guess no body does, but these few months have done me good. I needed the space and I've put Heero behind me, well, as much as I'll ever be able to. I miss him. I will admit it and I know that I'm always going to wonder what he's doing now and how he's getting by but that's water under a burned bridge. I think it's better for both of us this way. Heero needs to learn to live for himself, not off of me. And I need to learn to find my self-worth on my own terms and not by breaking myself to make everyone else happy. It's just not as easy as I thought it would be.

I'm the sucker everybody fucks over. I'm beginning to think that that's a part of my personality that I'll never be able to change. I lead with my heart and that the easiest way to get it broken. Maybe it was the church environment of my childhood or maybe it's the fact that I'll do anything so people will like me. I'll turn myself inside out, I'll bleed, I'll run in circles, I'll even go as far as to make a complete jackass out of myself and take the rap for being stupid just to see people smile. And the only thing I've ever wanted in return was a place to belong. 

But am I wrong to want to be happy. I'm tired of killing myself and getting hurt. And I'm on the verge of taking the fall once again. But this is my own damn fault. I know she won't want me around. I did the unforgivable and even if she has forgiven me knowing Hilde, she's moved on by now. She may even be with someone. My fists clench as for one second I'm filled with insane jealousy. But I don't have the right to fee that way. I don't like the idea of her with another man, not one bit, but I can't deny her that. If she's taken I'll walk away. I just wish I had taken the chance and told her the truth before we went our separate ways. We past up a chance and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

"Duo?" I pause as a voice calls out my name, "Duo Maxwell, well I'll be."

I turn, groaning inwardly. I'm really not in the mood to make idle chit-chat with people who haven't seen me in years. But I swallow the sarcastic greeting that I'm tempted to blurt out and forcing a bright smile as I say politely. "Hi Nathan, how's it going?"

He's smirking at me, this know-it-all grin that makes my skin crawl. I never did like the guy but Hilde had always liked doing business with him. She said he was a good supplier, all personal reservations aside. There's just something about the man always seems to get on my nerves and right now is no exception.

"I guess you're here to over see the agreement right?" Nathan asks as he pulls the stained rag he had tucked in his back pocket to wipe the sweat off his round, chubby face. 

I frown in confusion. "What agreement?"

He just snickers. "I hope you ain't planning to give me a run for my money. I'm not letting this opportunity pass, I've been waiting for her to cave."

"Wha-"

"Ya know Maxwell, I told Hilde, I said you'll never run this yard by yourself. And I was right. She doesn't know enough about the business and she very gullible. I've even put some great deals over on her. But she's a woman and she has no place in the metal works industry. I told her she'd run that yard to ruin. I'm just glad she deciding to sell the place before it gets any worse."

I listened to his inane chatter stupefied for a moment. Hilde was selling the yard to Nathan? As it sank in I felt the anger begin pumping in my blood. How dare he talk about her like that. Gritting my teeth I asked, "Why is she selling? I know it's not because of lack of business."

If Nathan sensed my anger the son-of-a-bitch didn't show it. "She said she's leaving the colony. Something about going to earth and living there. I don't know, the girl's as flighty as a fruitloop. You should know, you lived with her and ya also left like a bat out of hell. Smart boy."

"Nathan," I grinned coldly, clenching my fists tightly so I wouldn't wrap them around his neck, "Next time you talk about something, know what your talking about first because you don't know jack shit about the situation and it's not your goddamn business. And if I were you I wouldn't get your hopes up, you're not getting your hands on MY scrap yard."

Without another word I turned away knowing that if I stayed I'd kill the asshole. I don't have the time to waist, I'll find a place to hide his body later. Right now I need to stop Hilde before I let her slip away once again. I won't let this last chance fade as I stand back and watch quietly.

A.N.- You asked for it and now you've got it. *starts in creepy announcer voice* So where do we go from here? Does Duo catch Hilde in time? Do they make amends? Does she slam the door in his face? Stay tuned for the next episode if Quietly…er… Sorry, got a little carried away. Love you guys! Thanks for reading!!!!*_*


	5. Tomorrow

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Quietly: tomorrow

By: Lara Winner

I sigh softly as I turn the open sign on the glass door to closed. I glance at the clock, it's a quarter to six. I have a few more things to pack at the house and then I have to made a few trips to St. Vincent's with everything I'm not taking with me. Come this time tomorrow morning I'll be on my way to Austria. My flight arrives in Vienna and I will be taking a midnight train to Kufstein, my home town.

I decided I need to go home. I need to surround myself with something familiar so that I won't feel so lost once I'm on my own. I hold the memories of my childhood dear to my heart. I think it will do me good to go back and maybe I can find a happy medium between the innocent child I was then and the jaded, bitter woman that I am today. 

I'm fighting back tears as I look around the office. Everything is in its place. I told Nathan if he wanted he could buy it as it is and he agreed. I'm leaving everything here for him. Even the furniture in the house is staying. The only stuff I'm taking with me is whatever I can fit in my two suitcases. I want nothing to do with this place once I leave. 

With reluctant steps I walk into the back room putting the last of my personal things into the cardboard box sitting on my desk. The very last thing I pick up is a picture in a plain silver frame. It's a picture of Duo and I. It's nothing new, this picture as been sitting on the same spot on my desk since it was taken five years ago. And every time I look at it I smile. This was taken about a month before Heero showed up looking for him.

I'll never forget that night. I answered the door and found myself face to face with a silent boy who was strikingly handsome. But it was his eyes that caught my attention. They were cold and empty. His voice was much the same and he only said one word. "Duo?" I nodded and let him in. Then I watched Duo's face light up when he laid eyes on Heero and I knew, I knew right there that I was going to loose him.

But this picture symbolizes the calm right before the storm. This was when I still believed in happily ever and knights in shining gundams... A sweet illusion but an illusion none-the-less. But it still brings a smile so I may as well take this one reminder with me. It's a nice picture, Duo is leaning over the back of my chair and we're both looking at the computer screen before us, unaware of the camera trained on us. That was so long ago.

Before this surreal feeling fades I want to get as much done as I can tonight. I know that when this finally hits me I'm going to be a mess. I start to move the box out of the way so I can straighten the last of the billing slips that have to be mailed out by tomorrow. I have to drop them off at the post office on my way to the house. I just set the box on the floor when the tiny bell on the front door chimes letting me know someone has walked in. I curse to myself as I realized I forgot to lock the door.

"I'm closed!" I call out in the silence. 

I don't receive an answer and the bell doesn't chime indicating the person left. All I get is silence. With an angry sigh I make my way to the main room. 

"I said I'm clo-… Duo?" I gasp in surprise.

He's standing awkwardly, with his hands in his pockets. His braid his handing over his left shoulder and he looks just as handsome as ever. I'm sure my jaw has dropped and suddenly I'm unable to do anything but stare into his expressionless face. Oh God, I think I'm going to cry.

"Hey Hilde." He says softly.

I swallow the lump that has risen in my throat and nod my head. I motion for him to follow me to the back room. A thousand questions are running through my mind. Why is Duo here? Why now? Where is Heero? But only Duo can answer those questions. I wait for him to say something but he just leans against the door frame watching me silently. I resume organization of the stamped envelopes until I can't take the silence any longer. I will my voice not to waver. "So what brings you here?"

He takes a deep breath and straightens where he's standing. "I wanted to talk to you."

"You could have called." I say tonelessly. "Or were you afraid I'd hang up on you?" I see him wince through the corner of my eye. 

"I should have called but I…I haven't been stationary. I don't live on L1 anymore." He pushes away from the wall pacing slowly as he speaks. "Heero and I split up a few months ago. Things were getting worse and I couldn't take it anymore, ya know."

I know how he feels. That's why my heart is beating hard enough to come right out of my chest and my throat burns from the urge to cry. Does he want me to be upset? I can't. I hate myself for it but that little spark of hope is getting brighter. I force a sympathetic smile and I glance up at him. "I'm sorry to hear that." 

He looks at me, a small smile curving his lips. "Yeah well it's been a long time coming and I've been a lot better off since I left." 

I take note of that little factor. Duo left. He seems to be really good at that. I wish I could be waspish enough to say that out loud, just to give him a little piece of the anger and pain he's put me through. But instead I look away from him and bite my lip to keep my mouth shut.

A moment awkward of silence passes and finally he says, "I ran into Nathan earlier and he said that you're selling the business to him and you're thinking about moving to Earth. What brought that about? I thought you were settled in here?"

__

I thought I was too until you gave me taste of what I can't have, I thought angrily. So that's why he's here. Duo didn't want to see me, or talk to me. He's curious about what's going to happen to this place. I just know I'm going to cry. Any second I'm going to burst into tears and I can't answer him because I'm afraid if I talk it will be my undoing. So instead I begin blinking my eyes rapidly and look down so that my dark hair hides my face. 

"Hilde?" He asks, his voice is velvety soft and filled with concern. When I still say nothing his mild concern turns to worry and I hear him step closer. "Hilde what's the matter?"

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I can't make my voice work. The tears won't be stopped as they spill over my cheeks. Duo breathes my name again and tentatively places his hand on my shoulder. I was wrong, that was my undoing.

I jerk way quickly brushing at my eyes. I don't dare look at his face, instead I focus on the check that Nathan had given to me earlier. It's sitting on the end of the desk. It's reminding me of just how close I am to getting away. 

"You wanted to talk about buying the property back because you need a place to stay right? Well, I have the papers right here. I'll sign it all over to you. I don't want any money for it, I mean this was all yours to begin with. What you do about Nathan is up to you." I say in a rush as I make my way around and open the to draw pulling out a manila folder filled with legal documents. "My flight leaves tomorrow morning and I still have to finish packin-"

"Hilde."

I ignore him. "-so I really don't have time to waste. Just sign these at the bottom and you'll be s-"

"Hilde!" He jerks the papers out of my hand and slams them on the desk effectively putting a stop to my rambling. His eyes are a dark and stormy purple as he insists, "Don't give me the run around. You're crying and that tells me something is seriously wrong. What's going on babe?"

I've never seen this look in his eyes before. I've never heard his voice this dangerously soft. My heart skips a beat and I'm forced to look away as I whisper, "I'm sorry I didn't let you know about my decision but you said if I wanted out I could sell the yard remember. You said you didn't care and I need a change Duo. This isn't where I want to be twenty-three years old. I feel like I've lived two lifetimes already and I need to get away. That's' what's wrong."

"Okay this time look me in the eye when you say it and maybe I'll believe you." He counters.

I stiffen. All right, he wants the truth, then he'll get the truth. He'll get an earful. "You want to know why I'm upset? Because you have a way of showing up when it's the last thing I need. Just when I pull myself together you come waltzing back into my life like you have every right to. Well you don't. I'm leaving because I'm not happy here and because I want my own life. I want to get away from everything, including you!"

Silence follows my outburst as Duo doesn't say anything. He just looks at me with this blank expression on his face. I don't think I ever hated myself as much as I do at this moment. But I wanted to hurt him and I know I did, even he's not that detached. I love him so much that I hate him for it. It's my fault I let him hurt me and ripping him up too won't do any good. I need to get out of here. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and takes a step back. His eyes look glassy and I can barely hear his voice. "Don't be, you're being honest and you're right, coming here was a bad idea."

"Then why now?" I ask softly, unable to help myself. "It's been almost a year and not one word from you. Whatever you have to say can't be that important."

"Maybe it's taken me this long to figure it out." He looks down at his feet, scuffing the steel toe of his left boot against the dark brown carpet. "I've made a lot of mistakes that I can't change and I'm sorry about that. I don't expect an apology to make up for it. I understand why you hate me, I just hoped you wouldn't."

He looks up at me with those eyes of his and I can feel my heart melting. Just like that my anger drains and I want to throw my self in his arms. But he's only saying he's sorry, not that he wants me. I smile bitterly. "You're doing it again. You know just what to say to get what you want.. Well I don't hate you okay. Lord knows I want to, but I can't."

"That's reassuring," he sighs, then flashes me a tight smile and begins backing his way toward the door, "I'll get out of your way, I'm sure you have a lot to do."

For a split second time seems to slow to almost a stop. I watch him turn away and yet I can't seem to make myself move to stop him. This is what I want right_? I need to be free… but he's here now and you never thought you'd see him again… _He's leaving and I'm going to let him? Yes…No.

"Wait!"

He turns to me once more and just like every other time I've tried to say what I feel, the words refuse to move past my lips. My fear and uncertainty holds them back and I can't do it. In a lame attempt so salvage the last of my pride I pick up the legal documents and ask, "You're not going to sign them? I thought that's why you came here?"

"I didn't come here for the property and I'm not singing them. Sell it, trash it, burn it to the ground, I don't care. I only have one request. What ever you do, don't sell it to Nathan."

Nathan is the least of importance as I replay Duo's words over in my head. I was so sure I knew his reason but now… "Why?

"He's an asshole who's talking shit and when I'm through with him he's gonna need a body bag." Duo says defensively.

"Forget Nathan," I mumble absently, shaking my head, "What else could you have to talk to me about?"

As he realizes what I mean his eyes look everywhere but into my own and he begins twirling the end of his braid between his fingers. It's a nervous habit he has and seeing it makes me confused, but not nearly as much as his response. "Like I said it was a bad idea. Trust me, it's definitely the last thing you need right now."

I could take his words so many ways and my traitorous heart leaps with the hidden possibilities. I trample the feeling in favor of reality and tell Duo bluntly, "I'm leaving tomorrow and I doubt we'll see each other again so if you have something to say then you better say it now."

He swallows hard and manages to raise his eyes to my chin. He grips his braid tightly, actually stuttering. "You…I…s..s.sometimes you don't realize how bad you want something until you loose it and sometimes you have to let it go even when you don't want to… are you following?"

I nod not trusting my voice.

"I've missed you like crazy and it's not just because of that night. It was seeing you again and talking to you… That always meant a lot to me and I never had that with Heero. We were just together but there was never any depth to it. But you and me… we were friends. You were always there for me and there wasn't a damn thing I couldn't tell you, except how I felt about you. And when I saw you that night at the party I knew the feelings were still there. And I wish I could do all of this over again but maybe it wouldn't make a difference, I don't know… I'm sorry to bring this up now but I had to talk to you so I know where to go from here." He says softly.

I'm speechless. I'm barely aware that I'm crying again.

He looks stricken. "Aww…Don't cry Hilde. I didn't say this to make you feel bad. You don't feel the same and that's okay, I knew that all along. You deserved to know that's all."

Don't feel the same? I want to strangle him and at the same time I want to laugh and throw my arms around him. But I do neither. Instead I narrow my eyes advancing a step closer, "After all these years how can you be so clueless?"

I try not to smile at his thoroughly lost expression. I don't give him a chance to reply to my rhetorical question. "I've tried to be patient with you and I've tried to show you how I feel for you in every possible way without actually spelling it out for you but you never did get it." I say with a sniff as I wipe at my eyes, trying to regain my composure as is Duo.

"Maybe I needed to you hear you say it." He whispers, taking a hesitant step toward me. I can't read his expression anymore but I'm hoping he meant everything he said and that I took it the right way. If he lets me down now I'll die.

"I loved you and I always will…" I whisper

He smiles sadly. "But?"

Duo knows me too well. I sigh returning his smile. "But I need to go home. I've put this off and I can't anymore. Its time I face all the ways I've changed and try to figure out where I belong now."

"So this time you're leaving." He says with a bitter little laugh. He rubs the back of his neck in agitation and looks everywhere but in my eyes. 

I swallow my pride. 

"No because I'm hoping that you'll come with me."

I don't think I'm reading him wrong but it's so hard to take this fall. He could still say no. He could blow me off and say that he's not ready to take such a liable risk. He could even say that we won't make it together. But as the seconds tick by he doesn't say anything and that scares me worst of all. 

Then I watch, blinking back tears as Duo takes my left hand in his. He runs his thumb over my palm and with the gentlest persuasion entwines his fingers with mine. Slowly I raise my eyes to his and his smile melts my heart. He pulls me close and my eyes drift shut as his lips capture mine is a soft kiss. I've never felt so …beyond content in my entire life. 

"Does this mean yes?" I sigh when he pulls back slightly.

"Well actually more like you couldn't get rid of me now if you tried, I'm sorry I've been a complete asshole, I promise I'll make it up to you and I love you."

I can't help but laugh. My tears are gone and so is the pain I was beginning to fear would stay with me all of my life. For the first time I can really breathe. And now I'm no longer afraid of what tomorrow holds. I love someone who loves me too. He wants to be with me. He wants to make me happy and in all honesty he doesn't have to do much. Just being here is enough. 

I pull him down for another kiss trying to show him what I can't put into words. My lips are demanding as I hold him tightly. I wonder if he really knows what he's in for? If he can handle me? Of course this is Duo, maybe I should be concerned if I can handle him. Nah, I can give Shinigami a run for his money any day.

"I love you." I say breaking the kiss.

He looks at me thoughtfully. "Ya know, you're the only person who has ever said that to me."

I'm surprised but I hide it behind a reassuring smile. "I'm saying it because I mean it."

The shadows leave his eyes and suddenly he smiles in a way I've never seen before, like its coming from the inside. His hold on me tightens. "I know, that's why I love you too."

Then he's kissing me again, drowning me with new feelings and I never want it to end. And I know in my heart where I belong now. It isn't any place, country or colony. I belong right here in his arms and wherever we are that's where I need to be. And one day we may settle down but I have the feeling that we'll never live our life just… quietly.

A.N.- So what ya think? Too sappy? Too corny? Too predictable? I know, I'm a sucker for a happy ending and I have to be in a really bad mood for me to make it completely sad. However Chlorine is dying to inspire me to write some real angst so who knows. Well, thanks for reading and to all my reviewers.. *big hug* I love you guys!!!*_*


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